Friday, 7 December 2012

I'm feeling a bit fragile

It's funny the things that will set you off or send your brain down a weird train of thought. Recently, Girl Child sang Christmas Carols a a nursing home with her school choir. I drove some children to the nursing home and I was surprised when it seemed that most of the choir had never been to a nursing home before. Girl Child had been to some back when we were looking for somewhere for Mum before she died. Then I realised that Girl Child was only 3 when we were doing that. She doesn't remember.

The whole nursing home thing coupled mixing powder with with water to syringe feed A (rather reminiscent of feeding Mum through her PEG) has unsettled me a little. I'm okay, though I do feel like I'm dwelling on stuff more than usual. Maybe it's the time of year. Maybe it's the possibility of A not being around for much longer. Or it could be just be because Christmas is a family time. I'm spending a lot of time thinking about family members who have died. Parents who have lost children, children who have lost parents, people who have lost their husband, wife or life partner. I think of the children who have lost their siblings. I think that a big part of Christmas is tradition and those traditions are tied together with memories of our loved ones.

I'm thinking I need to stop dwelling on stuff. I hope that A starts to recover soon. I hope that those who are missing family members can wrap themselves in the happy memories. I hope that your Christmas and/or New Year celebrations aren't too bittersweet.

For me, tomorrow is another day.

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