Dealing with bad news

I have been writing this post for over a week and when I first started, I had entitled Sometimes Life Sucks.  It’s post about how some people in my life were having a rough time in their lives. No matter how many times I have written this post it just doesn't come out right. I figured I would just brain dump instead. 

I have received two lots of bad news about people I care about in the last week or so and it made me so incredibly sad.  A good friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I can only imagine how it feels, one day life is your normal and the next you are being sent off for tests. You have to decide when to tell your children, your extended family and your friends.  Would you tell them before you know? Or wait until  you know and are trying to pick yourself up from the floor and adjust to the news yourself.  My friend will  be having surgery in the next little while.  I hope that the surgery goes well and that the treatment afterward doesn’t knock her around too much.

 

Breast cancer has been in the news a lot lately mainly because of preventative mastectomies. I know that my friend and Ms Jolie will be linked in my mind. I’m not sure what my friend would think about that but I’m hoping she won’t mind.

 

The second piece of news was from my extended family. You may remember that I shaved my head a few years back after going multi-coloured for a few weeks to raise money for the Leukaemia Foundation.  Boy Child had his legs waxed and head shaved at school this year to support the same cause. Leukaemia (and other blood cancers) have touched our family and it is a cause that I like to support.

 

A few years ago, a little girl (she was under 1) in our extended family was diagnosed with Leukaemia. Despite fighting for about half of her life, she lost her battle. Earlier this year we were very happy to hear  that her mum was pregnant with twins. Nearing the end of the second trimester, the news is that one has passed away. I know the twins identical so I'm not sure how that affects the surviving one. I'm  also not really sure what happens now. I worry about how the family will be able to deal with the loss of another child and wondering why bad things happen to good people.

 

I’m hoping the next things I hear are good news.  I don’t like bad news weeks!

Memories

Its been school holiday time, so the kids and I have spent some time away with family interstate. For me, it's bittersweet. It's nice to see my children interacting with other members of our family but sad that it is only a few times a year. I am grateful that the family makes time for us as I haven't lived anywhere near them since I was about 8, so many moons ago now.

Every time we leave my grandmothers house she gives (or tries) to give us something. She is attempting to give stuff away because she feels it will be easier on everyone after she is dead. One visit last year I was given a blanket that my mother crocheted before I was born. It's bright and I am glad I have it. I'm not sure I had ever seen it before. This time around my grandmother has told me that she is putting my children's names on things so that my two will get them when she dies. While her thinking about my children is lovely, I kind of find it a bit morbid as well.

I had made a vow to myself earlier this year to clean up our house and have people over. Boy Child has quite a few friends who we should have over to reciprocate and Girl Child (while doing so much better socially this year) would benefit with having some children over. Unfortunately, I didn't progress as far as I wanted due to my work hours expanding so rapidly. This term I'm only working until 1 so I do get extra time at home without the children. This is greatly needed as a huge part of my clean up plan is dealing with toys. Neither child will willing give up any toys, no matter how babyish. I have to do it when they aren't in the house. The problem is that I'm struggling with memories.

We have stuff in our house that was given to my children by my mother. I find it hard to deal with giving these things away because she will neve give them anything else. I have stuff that my mother desperately wanted us to get from her house before we had to hand over the keys to her estranged husband, never to return. But it's not the stuff I would have chosen. If we had known six years ago that those three or so hours would be the last time we would ever be in that house, I would have got things that were important to me as well as the stuff that she wanted. Hindsight is 20/20 though, no one knew that she would be dead two days later.

So we have items that I struggle to deal because I never wanted them in the first place plus things that were gifts from my mother. I need to do something and deal with all this stuff. How would you separate the memories from the things?

Grateful 14 April 2013

It's been a long time since I joined up with every one sharing their Gratefuls with Maxabella Loves over at Village Voices so I thought I should join in and put some positive thoughts out in the world.

I am grateful that Boy Child loved his Outdoor Education Canoeing Camp. He survived, had fun and ate new foods. All the kids had meal plan (there were no refrigeration facilities), buy their food and canoe to their campsite and cook over a Trangia Stove. One of Boy Child's friends went out and bought the food. Boy had no clue what they were going to eat so I made sure that he had stuff he would eat as well. Turns out that he tried ravioli and chicken in a can.

I am grateful that I have enjoyed the last 6 weeks of work. I also know that I have work for next term. I even have reduced hours but still get to stay with the class that I have been working with. I'm happy and hopefully my head will settle back down again.

I am grateful that Girl Child has survived the first term of school without any of the social issues that she had most of last year. She seems to be doing well both socially and academically. I'm very proud of her.

Mr E. has been at home for a week or so as he is between work contracts at the moment. I'm grateful that he has been looking after Girl Child so she hasn't had to hang out at school waiting for me to finish work and pick her up. He as also been making lunches for Girl Child and I which has been lovely. I'm also grateful that he may be back at work again in the next few weeks.

Boy Child has had his head shaved AND his legs waxed at school to raise money for the World's Greatest Shave for the Leukaemia Foundation. He has raised over $720 so far. I am grateful that he wanted to do this and that he has meet his sponsorship goal. However, if anyone would like to sponsor him just contact me and I'll send you the link to his fundraising page.

I've got lots of things to be grateful for this week, how about you?

 

More on working

After being offered 9 days work over 4 weeks and then being asked to work every day one week as I mentioned in my previous work post, I have been asked to work everyday since. I’m very grateful for the work and I feel as though I’m making a difference in the classes I’m working with but I’m a little tired. I gave myself a day off this week as I had an appointment. Turns out that Girl Child was not feeling well so I kept her home from school and dragged her out to my appointment.

Because I'm working out of home now, Girl Child has been dropped at school early and is being picked up around 30 minutes later than normal. Prior to this I've been very available to her and I feel that she is struggling a little. She doesn't like school sometimes and until recently would complain of a headache and / or a sore tummy (her symptoms of anxiety) at least once a week before school. On the plus side the day I took off this week is the close to the only one where she complained of feeling unwell in the last few weeks. Maybe there is some maturity that occurs in Year 4 or maybe it’s the fact she knows I’m no longer working at home and therefore am no longer at her beck and call. Whatever it is I am very grateful but I worry that she might feel abandoned by me. But then I'm a perpetual worrier.

Anyway, work is going well. So well in fact that I'm going to be getting a name tag so I won't need to wear a generic School Assistant badge. That feels like acceptance to me. I've been booked for the rest of this school term. I've also heard that I may be offered a contract for next term. I'm struggling a little with tiredness and despite managing to get my headache fairly well under control, it has flared up a bit. I'm not yet taking the migraine med but I'm back caffeine a few times a week and on pain relief at least once a day which I had stopped needing in about November.

I'm wondering how long it will take for my body to adjust to working. Working in a classroom with Kindy kids is so different to a desk job. I'm hoping I adjust to it soon.

It's Easter so I thought I'd leave you with some eggs. I hope you and yours have a lovely weekend whatever you celebrate.

 

You know those people on reality TV shows

The ones where you wonder why nobody (especially their families) have ever told them that they can't sing? I've seen them and wondered whether its best to smash your children's hopes and dreams quickly or to let them believe that they have ability and talent where there is none. This week I had to make that choice.

Girl Child is not a natural athlete. She has two strikes against her, low muscle tone and then she takes after me in the coordination stakes - she has very little.

So when she told me that she had nominated herself to try out for the area school's representative basketball team, I was a little worried. Not only has she never played competitive basketball (I'm not sure she has played much more than just shooting baskets in the backyard) she also had her heart set on being selected.

We had a few chats with her explaining that many of the children who would be at the tryouts would already play basketball competitively and that her skill level would be unlikely to match theirs. She still wanted to try out. The sports coordinator at her school had also said that she would have fun at the tryouts so off we went.

She happily lined up with all the other girls to do basic ball skill drills. There was dribbling the ball across the court and back, passing the ball under your legs while crossing the court and some basic passing and catching. Girl Chid's lack of skill starting showing in the first activity but she continued despite not being as fast or as accurate as the others. By this time my heart had broken a little seeing how uncoordinated she appeared compared to the others.

Then they were doing drills with 3 girls in each line running around each other and passing balls at the same time. It was at this point that Girl Child came over to me and asked to go home. Her reason? She wasn't having fun. She didn't care that she lagged behind the other girls or that her skill level was obviously so much lower. I told the organisers that she wanted to go home and we left. She was in tears before we had left the building. As was I. Yes, I'm one of those over sensitive mothers.

The question we have always asked our children 'Did you try your best?' Girl Child tried her best and wanted out not because her best was different to the others, but because it wasn't fun like shooting hoops at home is.

Now I'm wondering if we should break it to her that her planned singing career may not be feasible. Thankfully, I think we have a few years before we need to do that. I'm hoping the reality shows like Idol will be over before then.