Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Write On Wednesdays #4 - Two Fat Ladies...

The Write On Wednesdays Rules: First of all, I am not a big fan of rules. Feel free to get creative with the writing exercises - there is no right or wrong. But please try to visit the other members of Write On Wednesdays and leave a comment. You can grab the button for Write On Wednesdays from my sidebar if you fancy doing so.

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 4: Two Fat Ladies (88!):  I am sticking with the timed theme. It is much easier to find a spare 5 minutes than a big chunk of time to write.  Grab the 8th book from your bookshelf. Open it to page 8. Scroll down to the 8th sentence. Write this sentence at the top of your page. Set your timer for 5 minutes and write the first words that come into your head after your writing prompt.  Stop when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. It will be interesting to see where all our different prompts take us.

The line in the book I got was:  I promised I’d come down and tell you, so here I am.

I don’t want to talk about it but if it will help then I guess it’s okay. You see there were flashing lights.  And a weird space in the sky.  No, don’t laugh I’m not joking.  And no I’m not on drugs.  There were flashing lights.  Oh for Christ’s sake don’t make any jokes about probes.  Now I know why i never bothering mentioning it before.  I didn't want to be labelled the crazy one.  I don’t know why I bothered coming down here.  You are juvenile.”

He got up and walked toward the door.  He looked over his shoulder and grimaced at them .

“Thanks for nothing bozos.” 

He walked out shoulders set, his posture radiating anger.

“So guys? What do you think?  Did he really believe in the whole alien abduction set up?” 

“Dunno.”

“If not, he’s a damn good actor.  And he’s pretty pissed at us.  I’d hate to be around when he realised it was a set up.  To screw with his head…..”

Um…interesting.  The first book I picked up is called Undead and Unemployed by MaryJanice Davidson.  It’s the second book in the Undead series.  The line I got was written as part of a police interview.  So it wasn’t even straight dialogue.  I almost got another book because I wasn't sure how I’d go with it. I found that I basically just did dialogue and had to add punctuation in later to help it make sense.  I have no idea where a faked alien sighting came from.

Take 2 is from the The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper

He was beginning to be really frightened now.

It wasn’t just the thought of the unknown but more the effect that it could have on him and his family.  Why is the unknown so scary anyway?  Is it just because we have no idea how to react to it?  Because we s humans have no concept beyond those in our minute little minds? 

Although frightened he stood tall to face his tormentors.

“You don’t scare me.” he ground out through clenched together.  “You can’t hurt me.  You are just part of a dream.  A nightmare.  And I will wake up.  Then you won’t be able to hurt me any longer.”

In bed he rolled over.  The edges of the nightmare lessened as he touched the soft object.  He grasped it with both hands. The nightmare faded even more and his breathing settled from it’s frantic pace slowly.  Slowing down to normal.  He grabbed the soft…..

I think I liked my first one better. With the second one it’s as though I swapped between the character and the tormentor in the first paragraph. That kind of disconcerted me.  Then somehow I went back to the characters point of view but I feel I’d changed the age of the character in the mean time.

Feel free to comment and critique as desired.  Smile

I look forward to reading everyone’s stuff tomorrow.

6 comments:

Susan @ Reading Upside Down said...

I think I prefer the first one too. I like that hint of doubt from the 'bozos' who set up the fake alien sighting. Just a moment of doubt as they realise that there will be repercussions when their prank is found out.

I love it when you are writing and things just 'appear'. I don't write fiction, so fortunately I don't tend to have aliens pop in to my writing unannounced. :-)

Car said...

Great work, I like the first one as it flows and seems to finish just right.

The second one is sticking in my mind, I want to know more - it raises may questions and I want to know was the nightmare about aliens and what was the soft thing he grabbed? A teddy bear? You could really take that piece somewhere

Lene said...

I really like both.

The first one has me wondering....did he really see an alein? Or was he setting the bozos up too? Fascinating.

The second one made me want to read on. What is he so afraid of?

Both are beautifully written and absorbing. Great job!

InkPaperPen said...

I like how you have a few attempts at the exercises - they really show the different places these exercise can take you. I am fascinated that you use so much dialogue, I find it hard to add dialogue to short pieces like this. I think it is hard to critique short stream of consciousness exercises as they are just the first words that come. I think you could go somewhere with the last paragraph of the second exercise...what did he grab???? Thanks for joining in again, love getting to read a bit more from you each week. Gill xo

Janelle said...

It's fascinating to see where your mind has gone with these! A set up alien encounter? Wow, I could never have dreamt that up! I love it....but I want to know WHY they set him up? Is it a test of some sort? Are they friends who are just pranking him? Hmmmm

MultipleMum said...

I like your first piece but I did think the character was a girl! x

 

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