Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Loss, grief and general pissedoffedness (yes I know it’s not a real word)

Okay, I’m having a weird day.  I have felt as though my brain has been in neutral most of the day.  And then I read some stuff and had this urge to cry.

Maybe its the obscene amount of junk I have eaten lately or maybe it’s the whole dealing with the extended family thing which almost always does my head in.  Or maybe it’s just the end of the year and I’m tired and grumpy and just generally blergh.

The whole grief and loss thing started when I was reading Stacey’s blog with the whole 5000 questions thing. 

121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye?

132. Were you ever with someone while they died?

Oh yeah… Most days I could answer those questions easily but I have been feeling edgy.  I have been told that what I describe as Edgy is actually anxiety but I prefer my version.  Of course now I have Bruce Springsteen lyrics running through my head….

Right back on track or as on track as I am going to get tonight and No I have not been drinking alcohol!

So those start the whole grief/loss train heading away from the station and then while surfing the net I find this article An Inconvenient Youth: Raising Children with Autism.  And that just rips me up inside. 

Maybe it’s because in 8 days it will be 5 years since Boy Child’s Aspergers Diagnosis (he was in his first year of full time school just as Girl Child is) or the fact that those parents have people to talk to about their children, or maybe because my Grandmother kept referring to Boy Child as Those People on the weekend. “Does Boy Child have any friends? So and So has said Those People have trouble with that.” “So and So said that Those People have issues with having their hair cut.”

Really Grandmother?  I didn't know that. I’m sure that having lived with an ASD child for over 11 years I must have missed that one.  Dripping sarcasm here.  I think I have just jumped from the whole whiny loss / grief thing into the pissed off part of my blog. I just find it amusing that information that I have given her isn’t true until it is said by someone else.  Of course they have worked in the area so they obviously know so much more than I do (probably very true as I really only know my boy) but I think I may know more about what effects Boy child more than someone else.  But then I am only a mother!

Way definitely over the sad part of this blog now.  So here are just a few of the things that I am feeling pissed off about today in no particular order:

  • The TV being on in our house. It seems like it is on all the time. Yes it keeps life calm here but it still bugs me.
  • Having cleaned the house and Girl Child has trashed it again.  Seriously I think I should just throw the things she leaves around in the bin!
  • The amount of junk food we, as a family, eat.
  • Smiley Dog needs an expensive operation to make him feel better.
  • The fact that I’m tired and grumpy and should be in bed asleep but am blogging instead.  Yes I do need to get my priorities straightened out.
  • I comfort eat when I am stressed, sad or angry.
  • If I want a Christmas present I will probably have to buy it myself and Mr E. is just to busy at work to have the time.  And he probably hasn't thought about it anyway.

Right. I really need to go to bed or I will be even grumpier tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now! I wish I could make it better somehow. Let me know if you ever need to chat. You can find just about every contact for me on the planet at my blog :). Hope today is a better day for you.

Clarissa said...

:( Hope things get better for you. I also comfort eat .... especially when missing my boyfriend who is in Antarctica

E. said...

Thank you. I was so having a bad day wasn't I?

I've had extra sleep and am feeling a bit better. Even did some Christmas shopping with the children yesterday.


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