Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Dear Friend …and Dear Gutless Me

Dear Friend,

Why when I tell you about Boy child’s negative attitude to the high school he will be going to next year and his issues about it, your comment is suck it up princess.  Yet when you are talking about your friend and her Aspie child his issues are put down to ‘Aspie Anxiety’?

Boy child has ‘Aspie Anxiety’ too.  Maybe it’s expressed differently to your other friends child (I’ve never met him so I don’t know) but it’s still anxiety.

Dear Gutless E.,

Why can’t you ask your friend about this?  Why are you stewing on this conversation?  Why can’t you say hey I was just venting about Boy Child because he is doing my head in?  Why can’t you ask how is that other child different to Boy Child and why his issues are anxiety and Boy Child’s aren’t?

I can answer some of this.  Because my friends son is possibly the only child Boy will have in his year at this High school that he will know. Because my friend has been through at lot with me, the diagnosis, my mum dying and the stalker we ended up with after that, etc.  At this point I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt but I’m struggling with how my child is a princess and someone else’s child is not.

But it’s bugging me.  How do I approach my friend?

I really just want to ask. Hey, why are Boy Child’s issues not worthy of being Aspie Anxiety when your other friends child's issues are?  Maybe that’s how to do it?  Or maybe not?  Should I just leave it alone?  I feel like I have left a lot of issues alone recently and I actually think this friend probably wasn't thinking.  But it still hurts.  What would you do / say?

Note: this is a different family to the one here.  This family is actually understanding most of the time.

5 comments:

Jacki said...

Ooooh, this is tricky. I know how you feel when you turn it back to yourself and get angry with yourself for not speaking up. My only suggestion is writing a letter, that way you can say exactly what you want (and maybe keep your emotions in check). Leave it for a day a two, re-read it and if it's still bothering you, send it to your friend.

Cate P said...

Tough one. My gut instinct says to leave it, but if you strike the attitude from her again and you feel vindicated that it's not a 'once-off-having-a-bad-day' kinda thing, then raise it straight away.
Whatever you decide to do, you'll probably wish you'd done something else, there's no right or wrong.

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Ouch, I think that's a tough call to make about anyone who's having a little anxiety about anything. Hopefully she was just having a bad day, but next time you can feel more than justified {and ready} to tell her how it makes you feel. Good luck x

Joanie said...

It can be so very frustrating to feel that your concerns are being brushed off, especially when the concerns are about your child and you are expressing them to someone you consider a friend. In the same situation, I think I would ask how my child's issue is different from someone else's in a similar situation and see what answer they could come up with.

E. said...

Thanks again everyone. I really appreciate your feedback.

At the moment it's another thing I'm letting go of but I will be saying soemthing if it (or something along similar lines) is said again.

 

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