Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Psychotic Ranting / Anonymous Foaming

I stole the title of this post from one categories on the NaBloPoMo website.  I must admit I always list Whining under general but today I am angry so I thought the category suited this post well.  Plus Mr E. suggested I blog instead of ranting at him. So here goes. 

Boy Child is almost 12. He is very tall for his age (he was 171.5cm, so about 5’ 7.5” in June and probably about 2 cm taller now) and is the second tallest in student in the school.  There is a boy who used to go to his school and left about 2 or 3 years ago but returned this year and we will call him C.  While the boys are in the same year C was put into a different class when he returned to this school.  When his teacher went on leave he was moved to Boy Child’s class (beginning of this term).  Now these two have never gotten on.  Just a personality clash I think.

Since C and Boy have been in the same class I have heard Boy say things about C taunting  Boy with comments such as “I can bash you, beat you in a fight etc,” etc.  We have taken the approach of fighting is not good, have you done anything to upset C, did the teacher hear, did you tell the teacher etc. The answers have always implied that C has been doing a lot of this without provocation but Boy said he was okay and ignoring it all.

Then on Friday afternoon after school,  Boy said he said that C had challenged him to a fight on Monday before school and he had declined.   C then punched at Boy (Boy does a marital art so he blocked) jumped on his back and had his hands around Boy’s neck.  Boy apparently twisted which threw C off and into a desk. 

Somehow this led to C trying to take on another boy in the class who also managed to get C off him. During this time the teacher was about 10 metres away in the art room, cleaning up the mess the kids had made making paper. 

This all occurred in the last 5 or so minutes of class.  But by the time Boy got his scooter somehow the other 2 Year 6 classes were aware that C had plans to bash Boy on Monday morning and that C was going to win.  Now the first thing I heard about this was when Boy arrived home later that day.  Mr E, Boy and I discussed everything and while I was quite concerned I figured Boy really could defend himself.  Plus he got a lecture about fighting not being a good thing, staying in places at school where he could readily been seen by teachers (so not on the oval) and to defend himself when necessary without starting anything.

I did want to give someone at school a heads up that there may be an issue and I even discussed it with a former teacher about the way ahead.

On Sunday, Boy child was riding around on his scooter with a friend.   They were going past the local skate park and were apparently taunted by a group of about 20 kids.  Boy was told by the only child from his school (the rest appeared to be older) that C and his friends were going to bash him on Monday morning.  Boy was concerned that the older kids were going to come to the school and hurt him. But in typical Boy style he was sure he would be okay.

When Boy got home he told Mr E. At this point we decided it was best to contact the school and safer that Boy didn't go to school or from school on his own until the situation was dealt with.

So yesterday morning I go to school with Boy and request a meeting with the Deputy Principal.  He and all the executives are in a meeting but I was happy to wait.  Boy child wasn't happy as he felt that as he didn't show for the fight C and the others would consider him chicken.

We ended up speaking to the Executive Teacher of his area.  She then took both Boy and I to the Principal and we went over the story again.  At this point C and the classroom teacher were called in and I left after being told that I would be updated on the situation.

At 2.30 I arrived back at school having heard nothing and also not sure whether it was a good idea for Boy to travel home by himself.  The Principal and the Exec I needed were a meeting but about 3.05 I got to see them.  The upshot was both boys were warned about fighting and this seems to have been the last straw for C at the moment as his mother had to take him home for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, the Principal had a go at their teacher.  Boy had said the majority of C’s taunting “I can bash up up, beat you in a fight etc,” have occurred while the teacher has been out of the room.  So the Principal was raving about how teachers never leave their classes and they will have to discuss it with her.  The thing is to Boy out of the room means not in that room.  2 cm out into the open area means you are not in the room.  Plus the teacher has suffering lingering effects of the chemo she had earlier in the year and does actually need to leave occasionally. So the teacher got a roasting but she explained exactly where she was and it seems that all things are okay for her now. She was very sad yesterday afternoon but good today.

So as far as I was concerned it seemed everything was settled. Boy child seemed okay. He had gotten less angry about my interfering during by the evening and things seemed good.

Today I got an email from a friend.  And I replied asking did her son (Boy 1 in this scenario) say anything about school on Friday or recently?

Her response was Not really just some conversations about how C was ‘stirring up trouble’ for Boy child. She also mentioned that she noticed me there in yesterday morning waiting to have the meeting and heard C’s name mentioned. 

So I then asked about did D (previously known as Boy 1, LOL) know anything about the fight.  Her response was: He didn’t say when the fight was supposed to be but he did say C had recruited a bunch of high school kids.

My brain went WTF!  I’m not sure when or how D found out about the High school kids being involved in this fight. I would have thought that once an adult knew that there was likely to be a fight and that High schools kids were going to be there, surely you would contact the parent of the child who was being targeted?  Especially when you are supposed to be their friend?  Or am I completely off the planet here?

I’m seriously hoping that D only told her yesterday.  Because I’m having enough trouble dealing with the fact that she knew and didn’t mention it to me.  If I discovered that she knew before yesterday morning and didn’t bother to give us a heads up then ARGHHH!  Yes I’m very upset and peeved.  I think if I knew and it’s was a friends child or even my child’s friend who I spoke to at school occasionally I would have to say something.

What would you do?

Thanks for reading to the end.  Upshot is all is okay with Boy and C mostly left him alone today, hurray!  But I am really frustrated with D’s mum.  As a friend I would have expected the info be passed along but now I’m wondering if we are actually friends or if it’s just a minor issue I am blowing out of all proportion.

Maybe my sense of fairness and friendship as just different to others?  I would hope that if I had been in the same situation I would have called D’s mum if only to ensure they knew the situation and to see if they needed to chat.  Is that odd?

Ranting and Foaming over!


Madmother said...

Whatever happened to loyalty and helping others? I am floored - if my child (also known as Boy 1, lol) came home and told me of this I'd be on the phone before his backpack hit the floor.

NONE of this is acceptable, the ganging up, the other child's attitude, the school. *Sigh*, why is parenting so damn hard?

Melissa@Suger Coat It said...

Aww hun. What a shocker of a time you guys are having. Keep him safe. That's your aim. Whatever you need to do. It does sound like your boy has an even temper and excellent training to fall back on.

Maybe, the things your friend heard where before the meeting you had at the school so she thought you had it well handled? But yeah. I would probably let you or the school know. If we were friends, you, definitely.

E. said...

Thanks MM and Melissa. I hope it made sense to you. I've re-read it now I'm in a calmer place and I was actually wondering how much sense it made to others.

I think the title I chose was quite apt!

Donna said...

Can totally relate to this whole post and I'm with you that a quick phone call from the other parent wouldn't have gone astray.
We had the same problem with my Boy 1 which resulted in four suspensions over that school year. My son is not at all level headed and tends to lash out to try and protect himself.
Eventually the school cottoned on to the fact that this wasn't just his 'issues' at play and transferred the main bully to the other class to limit their interaction.
I did wonder if we would survive that year but two years later, he is doing relatively well in the more social aspects; it's just the homework and schoolwork problems now.
It's sounds like you're doing all the right things, even if your boy doesn't agree with you .. lol! Take each thing as it comes and don't let the school fob you off .. they need to extract heads from posteriors and focus on the real issues!
As Madmother said: why is parenting so hard? And I want to know where my owner's manual is!!

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Good grief E, that's a lot to deal with. Sounds like you've done everything you can, but yeah, I'm with you - not quite sure how that friend couldn't have spoken up immediately. Hugs to you and your gorgeous family xxx

E. said...

Thanks everyone.

I've decided to let my anger go. This family just doesn't get it and are very authoritative.

They think I can just tell Boy to get over his rituals and things. They get frustrated when the things happen to their children but don't seem to see they do exactly the same thing. The thing is I was going to slowly move away from this 'friendship' but then things improved again.

So I am going to breath and bit my tongue. And not worry about it. Consciously anyway.

Tahnfully, there have been no repercussions for Boy so far and I am glad. I am doubly glad he will NOT be going to the local high school though.


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