Saturday, 2 June 2012

This time last year...

We had travelled to an Eisteddfod to see Boy Child perform in a dance troupe. They performed in the open age section and came third out of 13 acts in that section. We were so proud of him. He was only 12 and the youngest in the troupe. He was also the only boy.

The girls he danced with last year have been to the Eistedfodd again. I'm not sure of their results (Highly Commended i think) but I know they had fun.

In September, Boy Child missed the second Eistedfodd he was due to dance in as we were coming home from New Zealand. This time the troupe won and it was without him. There were only 3 acts in that section. Not that it would have made any difference. Boy decided the troupe didn't need him and that seems to have been the beginning of the end. Less than a month later we were told by medical professionals that he had to quit.

The stress of performing teamed with starting High School caused a whole slew of issues. Looking back if I hadn't gotten my headache, things would have been different. I would have noticed that he wasn't coping very well and that he was very worried about me. Well, at least I hope I would have.

So he quit dancing. We bought the end of year dance concert DVD because Girl Child is in it. But my heart hurts when I hear the song that he performed too in the Eistedfodd. It's the first one on the DVD and it makes me feel sad.

Girl Child watched the DVD a few weeks ago. I forgot how much this DVD affects me. I have trouble watching it. It's not the dancing itself but the fact that Boy Child was supposed to be on it and he is not. The first dance of the DVD, the one missing my boy, it makes me cry.

I've had a version of this post sitting around since March. I thought I would post it and then move on from the angsty, whiny stuff I've been writing lately.


Sarah said...

It's ok to be sad about things E. Sometimes things arent the way we would like them to be or even the way we know they should be. At some point yes, we do have to accept the way things are and move on, find a different way but we are still allowed to be a little sad. Dont be too tough on yourself or feel you are wallowing or that you have to present an image to anyone else. Do things in your own time. Being sad about some things doesn't mean you dont see all the good (late night/early morning - I may not be explaining what I mean very well :) x

Lee said...

That is sad. You have every right to feel sad about this. So many transitions for you and your boy. I would be sad too.
I have a whole bunch of angsty drafts too. I write them, and they need some editing and then I move on from it emotionally and it doesn't feel right to post them as it's not how I am now feeling! Blogging is definitely good therapy! x

Big brother, Little sister. said...

Thinking of you as you have those moments of what should have/could have been. Music is such an emotive tool isn't it?! Thanks for stopping by my blog and lovely to rediscover yours x

Renee | About a Bugg said...

It's ok to feel upset about these things... I have many things that trigger these sorts of things... that mixture of regret and sadness.

Glad you have posted and moved on!

Leanne said...

Yeah, I can understand those feelings. Especially if he hasn't found something to replace his love for dance yet ...or found a troupe or group or artistic endeavour more suited. But hopefully he will and this dance troupe will just become something he did once. Fingers crossed!


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