Tuesday, 23 February 2010

What should I be if I grow up?

I’ve had a cold.  And that has lead to me being tired and grumpy, which in turn has lead to some navel gazing.  What do I want to be if I grow up?  Now some people would believe that after almost 14.5 years of marriage and 2 children I would be grown up already.  But seriously I am no closer to knowing what I want out of life now than I was when I left high school.

And when I left high school I went straight into a fulltime job in the the Public sector while studying part time.  Which really didn't leave that much time for wondering what I was going to be if / when I grew up.

Then of course there was the whole meeting Mr E., getting engaged, getting married, finishing Uni, etc, etc. which brings us to now. 

I seriously don’t feel as though I am grown up.  I guess as you get older you feel the same and it seems as though everyone around you is changing but you aren’t.  Or maybe that is just me.  Maybe I am stuck being juvenile as everyone else matures.  I’m sure people who know me in real life would agree with that.

But the whole being sick thing does my head in and I end up wondering possibly deep and meaningful things like:

What have I done here?  Has my life made any difference? So what do i do during this time of snot, headaches and introspection?

Instead of working out who I am and what I want to be, I am back volunteering at school – running book club again (third year in a row) and have nominated for the school board.  And yes I have been helping in Girl Childs class too.

What should I be when I grow up?  Will I ever get over this weird obsessive urge to volunteer? It’s not like I don't work.  Okay, I don’t work full time and I’m never going to win any prizes for my domestic or gardening ability.  Maybe I volunteer to get out of the house so I don't have to do the house and garden stuff.  And maybe I’m never going to grow up.

What about you?


Lucy@DiminishingLucy said...

You know what? I am envious of the volunteering thing at school. I want to, too. When Little Legs gets to school age, I will. I just realised that when I was a kid, I aspired to be a Mummy who helped out at school. Like my Mummy did. So my question is, not so much what do you wanna be when you grow up, but how do you reconcile & aceept and learn how to place great value on the thing that you choose to do?

Hope you feel better soon.......

Jen said...

What does it really mean to grow up? Does it mean giving up on childhood dreams and being all sensible, not being able to jump in puddles or sleep in a fort with the kids? or does it mean that you find and settle on a career that makes you a million dollars? or that you find a niche in life from which you can advice other people and so therefore feel all mature and knowledgable, and others might see you that way too.

As you can tell by my questions, I haven't grown up yet and until I can figure out what it means to grow up I guess I never will :p .

Although I did have a devastating moment last time I was sick with the flu (sickness brings out the big thoughts hey?) when I realised that I will never be a movie star now, I will never go in a rocket to the moon and quite possibly never have a million dollars in my bank account! Because you know when I was younger it was a possibility that I could do anything with my life (and I aspired big I guess! :p), but now I am older and well those things are never going to happen :p

PS" I love that you volunteer, there are hardly any parents that do these days so for whatever reason you do do it, you deserve a medal! :D.


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