A plan for the future

Remember this post? The one where I wrote that I had lost myself? That I didn’t know what to do with my life?You wonderful lot made some great suggestions. 

I went away to a convention on the weekend.  At the convention I meet some really friendly authors and picked up a book.  Beneath the blurb on the back was this:

‘A discontent gnaws at me. I’m Geordie’s wife; I’m Josh and Robbie’s mother. I’m a half a woman and I don;t know where the rest of me has gone.’ It was an OMG moment.  I spoke to the author and said: “This is me, this is my life. This is exactly how I feel!” So I bought the book.  It is Dancing Backwards in High Heels by Christine Darcas.

So with those few lines and a book in hand, I think I have an inkling of my future.

I had been considering becoming an Special Teacher’s / Learning Assistant (STLA), working in a school and assisting the children with Special Needs.  I enjoy doing guided reading with DD’s class.  I enjoyed reading two years ago with the Year 5 and 6’s who were struggling.  I was thrilled when a child said to me”I can read! I’m not dumb anymore.” I want to make a difference in people’s lives.  But…I don’t know if I could do it full time.  I have been told by a number of people that I would be good at it.  Plus the hours would fit well, leaving time for the children and getting school holidays off. I don't know if that is my thing. Part of my dilemma was that I started wondering if I was only considering this because of the number of people who told me I would be good at it.  These are people I respected: 5 people from Girl Child’s School including executive teachers. 

And here is the other issue.  Would I be falling into another career because I have an aptitude for it?  Would my need to help be useful drag me into a life where I wouldn't be able to disconnect and switch off?  Would it then it would effect my family?

So, the epiphany I had this weekend was to rekindle my love and books and writing.  The plan is to see if I can write by writing books reviews.  I even have a name for a new blog where I could indulge this new idea.  But first I figure I will try a couple and post them here to test the waters, so to speak.

So that’s the plan at the moment.  Maybe this will be the something for me that I seem to need.

What do you think?

Some Updates

Hello again.

On the World’s Greatest Shave front, I have currently raised $1080.  I am so grateful to all the generous people I know who sponsored me, or blogged or send messages or support.  Or all of those things!

Thanks to those who have enquired about my health and my purpose in life.  Health wise I am okay.  I got some really cool slow release meds for the headache.  I was away for the weekend and woke up without the headache.  I thought perhaps that meant I could blame the family for the headache but alas it came back after a few hours.  The same happened on Sunday as well so I figure it’s not the family.  Damn, there goes my plan for running away every weekend for ‘medical reasons’.

Anyway not much else is happening here but I figured I should let you all gorgeous people know that I am still here.  I have also been doing some navel gazing, which I will fill you in on later.

I hope you all had a great weekend.

Things I have learnt this week

Long time, no post.  Sorry.  I hope those who went to the Aussie Blogger Conference had fun.  I hope everyone else reading their posts got to live vicariously through them. 

Me? I didn't go. I have had a headache since Thursday last week so I will probably be deleting a few hundred blog posts from my blog reader.  Not sure what’s going on with me but feel like crud.  Yep that very descriptive word says it exactly how I am. I hate being sick.

So on to the things I have learnt this week:

Doctors do not like it when you say you want to drill a hole in your head in the hope that it will stop your headache.

Your real friends aren't always the ones who have been around the longest.  Sometimes people really are just close acquaintances and they really don’t care.  Despite them knowing you are unwell and that you are going to the Dr they can’t be bothered to see how you are.

When Doctors who normally run on time keep you in their office for 30 minutes (making the two appointments after yours late) you know that they are concerned about you.

If you are told you may have something that could make you go blind, your family starts wondering aloud about Braille.  E.g.: how long will it take to learn? Are the type of books you read published in Braille, etc.

When you are told you DON”T have the thing that might make you blind the 20 hours wondering seem …. surreal. 

Apparently your blood pressure suddenly changing from normal to high freaks people out.

If someone lends you a blood pressure machine, you seem to use it a lot.

And lastly,

While sometimes my husband is a doofus he really does love me.  He is prepared to drive me interstate for something he thought I would be interested in and should go to (he heard about it through someone who works with) even though it would mean two 7 plus hour round trips with the kids in the car in 3 days.  Now that’s love!

I am seeing the Doctor again this afternoon.  Hopefully I will get some answers.  Then I will be able to get back to posting regularly again.

Of course if anyone wants to hazard a guess at what causes a week long headaches that 2 Panadeine Forte (for non – Australian’s that is paracetamol 500mg and codeine phosphate 30mg in each tablet) doesn't touch the sides of, high blood pressure (Stage 2 hypertension) and apparently low blood sugar, feel free to play along at home. 

Oh, by the way, I have hit $1,000 in sponsorship for the Leukaemia Foundation and Mr E. shaved the Mohawk off on Monday evening.  Thank you for your support!

World’s Greatest Shave Unveiled!

Hello everyone.  Thanks for those who read my angsty post the other day.  I will reply to you all.  I just thought as the Great Shave was yesterday I should update.  These photo’s were taken by P. (I owe you a huge Thanks!) and I have taken them from Face Book which is why they aren’t edited at all.

To start it was crazy hair day and Girl Child decided I need three pony tails:

In order to actually shave my head the hairdresser, Kelly, had to cut it short.  Then she shaved it back to a 2.

I’m disappointed that most of the blue went away. It looks as though I really just had pink and red.

The end result?  Well, I decided not to get my entire head shaved.

 

Apparently it suits me!  I though Mr E. and Boy Child would freak and I’d get them to shave the rest last night but everyone seems to be okay with it.  It actually looks much better when it is spiked.

The school’s crazy hair day donations came to myself and C. C. has gone from hair below her shoulders to a number 2 to raise money for the Leukaemia Foundation. She is also donating her hair to wig maker in Melbourne who makes wigs for people undergoing chemotherapy.  I can’t donate my hair is it has been dyed.

Including the crazy Hair Day $134.60 my running total is now $792.60 or 72% of my fundraising target for the Leukaemia Foundation.  Great work everyone!  Thank you so much.

For those who have missed why I chose to do this you can read this post and this one as well.

So what do you all think?

I have lost my sense of self

I have no clue who I am anymore.  And I’m not even wanting to eat chocolate!  How sad is that?

The other morning I woke to Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime. 

Now the words that have been ringing in my head ever since are:

And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?

And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?

So…. how did I get here?  How do I work this?

And most importantly who the hell am I?

When you have children and they are little and completely dependant on you it seems that you become mummy and nothing else.  But my children are 7 and 12.  They aren’t helpless and dependant anymore.

I work.  Admittedly I work from home part time and have flexible hours but I work.  It’s a role in business admin which I guess I fell into.  I’ve been doing this for about 6 years.  Before that I did 14 years of mostly finance in the 'Public Sector.  I actually won’t like finance or admin very much.  It’s something I fell into because I apparently had an aptitude for it.  Although I’m not sure the accountant would agree with that at the moment.

And I think that’s part of the problem.  The career I have fallen into I seem to be screwing up at the moment.  Plus working at home means I generally don't have adults to speak to during the day and I don’t feel as though my work is appreciated which tends to happen if you work for yourself.  And of course if I’m stuffing up my work  probably isn’t appreciated but I do actually have it from a good source I'm not stuffing up much, unfortunately it feels like it! 

But I really think the thing that has sent me into this downward spiral, is the fact that after 6 years volunteering on the P&C (and 1 year on the board) at School I will not be volunteering from them anymore.  You see, being the Book club coordinator or just on the P&C or Board has become part of my identity.  But from the end of this week I will no longer be book club coordinator or on the board and that part of me will be gone.  Part of this is that I am burnt out but also partly to do with the dynamics of the school changing and Mr E. and Boy Child basically banned me from continuing to volunteer at Girl Child’s school.  I was getting very annoyed  a little frustrated and it was affecting my family.

So what will I do with my life?  Well there is always the housework but I mean what do I do for me?  For E. as a person?  I should do the housework, I should finish the MYOB course I started but neither of those things would help define me.  Or at least I hope not.

Help!  Without the school stuff, who am I?  I know I’m a serial volunteer and I will still be helping in Girl Child’s class.  But that’s different.  And I WON’T be a canteen Mum unless Girl Child is getting a lunch order.

I need to redefine who I am.  And that’s a scary thought.  Any ideas?

It’s Friday again

It’s been a whole week since I last blogged.  And a few days since I have read any blogs as well.  Tonight I logged in to discover 82 posts to read.  Thankfully that was better than earlier in the week when I had 120 plus to read.  Are you all prolific or what?  So if anyone thinks that I’ve snubbed you, I’m sorry. I just have been a little busy and have only skim read some of your posts.

It’s only a week until I get my head shaved.  I’m struggling a little with the whole getting up on the stage at a school assembly but that’s what I have agreed to do.   Last time I did the Shave , it at a friends house with a few people there.  This time there will be over 400 people: kids, teachers and parents. I think saying I’m nervous is a major understatement.
So far I have received on line donations of $422.00 which is 38 % of my $1,100 goal.  I’d like to thank my .sponsors and also those bloggers who have posted about the Great Shave.  If you want to sponsor me here is  my WGS page. I thanked Langdowns last time and I need to thank Being Me from Sunny Side Up who also blogged about the cause and even better referred to me as a blogger Buddy!  Oh yeah, I’m one of the in crowd now! Isn’t  that great! 
So what else has been happening here? Well, life has been plodding along.  Boy Child went to camp for four days and had a great time.  He even tried more new (to him) foods.  I’m very impressed but eve more impressed with the the fact that he will actually try to eat stuff he doesn't like because someone else has made it for him.  Like the ham  salad (lettuces, cheese and cucumber) with mayonnaise  sandwich he ate at camp because a teacher made it specifically for him.  Of course it would have been nice if they asked what he actually eats because he hates mayonnaise, lettuce and hadn’t eaten cheese or cucumber in years.  Apparently the reason he eats for others is that other people don’t listen when he says he doesn't want / like stuff and we do.  Aren’t we nice parents?  Probably the years of gagging and throwing up due to sensory issues have made us much more sensitive than those who have never had to deal with these type of things. 
I took Girl Child to get her eyes checked this week and she needs glasses.  We had wondered as she often reads and writes with her face almost touching the page.  But she could also read things far away and close up at other times with no issue.  It turns out that she has problems changing focus between far and near things.  Apparently we have caught the issue before it’s a permanent problem and hopefully wearing the glasses now may correct the issue and she won’t need them long term.
In other news, we got a new bunny.  Here she is with our boy bunny: 

They are both from the RSPCA (and therefore de-sexed) so there will be no baby bunnies for us.  As cute as baby bunnies are (our girl had recently had a litter when we first saw her) there are enough animals in the world without decent homes.  Bonding the two of them went really well and they are very good friends.
Well it’s late and this is my FYBF post and Friday is almost over so I will get this published and go to bed.
Night all!

OOPS I forgot to add the FYBF badge and linky.  What can I say it was late for me.  This week’s is being held by Glowless check her out.