Yep. It’s not Autism that sucks rocks in our family today, it is me.
I’m not sure I’m going to leave this post up. It makes me feel bad about myself as a mother and a person. I feel judgemental. But I needed to get it out and now it’s out I feel so stupid. Maybe it just because today would be my mother’s birthday, maybe it’s because we have this discussion about apologies a lot. Please don’t be too harsh. I know I screwed up.
Let me set the scene. Out at a cafe for lunch. Mr E. goes off to a camera store to check some things out. He is gone a long time. Girl Child and Boy Child are both getting grumpy. The bread we ordered comes some parmesan and onion and some garlic. Boy Child will only eat the Garlic. Girl Child eats a piece of parmesan and onion while Boy Child eats a garlic piece. Then it happens. Girl Child grabs the only other piece of Garlic bread. Normally there are 3 of each but some reason today there are only 2 garlic pieces.
Boy Child will not eat the parmesan bread. He wants the piece of Garlic bread. Girl Child won’t give it up. I suggest they that share. They both refuse. At this point things get heated. Apparently she says Nah, nah at him and in retaliation he shoves her, hard. I take his DS off him. And tell him he can have it back when he apologises to his sister.
Mr E. wanders in with a new video camera. Asks what is going on and proceeds to play with his new toy. I explain and again ask Boy Child to apologise.
“I’m asking you to apologise to your sister or you can’t have your DS back.”
“What’s the point of saying sorry? It’s not like I’ll mean it. Nobody means it when they say sorry!”
And so it went on. I cried and went for a walk around the block. Very adult of me. But wait it gets worse.
When I get back Mr E. asks how I am. I’m still angry and upset and I say:
“I just wanted him to say Sorry. I don’t want to have raised a sociopath.” *
WT? How the hell could I say that? And in front of him? Boy child is angry and crying. I start to cry again.
What a mess! I’m supposed to be the adult. I’m the one who sucks today, not Autism!
I apologised to him, he apologised to his sister and got his DS back. We all had an okay lunch. But I still feel like absolute garbage.
*I meant sociopath like antisocial behaviour NOT like serial killers etc who I would consider are psychopaths. Of course that differentiation isn't there when you are 11.